thought he was babbling

Posted on 10/27/2013 by haiku djean

05.25.13
thought he was babbling
I realize now
dad
was talking
to angels

afraid the sorrow

Posted on 10/17/2013 by haiku djean

afraid the sorrow
was fading
I found scribbled notes today
neatly folded in my purse —

a list of daddy’s lodges
where he was born
mama’s handwriting: clothes

notes from the funeral home
notes for the memorial
notes for the public death notice
notes on what to bring

I remember thinking
I have to do this right
it’s one of the last things
I can do for dad

and I know now
not to be afraid
the sorrow hasn’t faded
and quite possibly
may never end

trying to retrieve

Posted on 10/11/2013 by haiku djean

trying to retrieve
memories — so much was lost
with daddy gone
and now
if I don’t pick a place, a time
so much will also be lost
from the first
Daddy Day
and Sister Day
both
now come
and gone

(from reflections in Morning Wanderings)

letting in daylight

Posted on 10/04/2013 by haiku djean

letting in daylight
— the trees are so still —
is daddy watching me?

how long before I won’t cry?

Posted on 09/28/2013 by haiku djean

how long before I won’t cry?
before I lose the tightness in my threat?
the only ease I feel
is when i think
we always showed our love
always
before
daddy
was gone

still a chill

Posted on 09/26/2013 by haiku djean

still a chill
runs down my spine —
even as the sun shines bright
the trees stand still —
it was
four months ago today
mom called to say
that
daddy’s
gone
away

notebooks scattered on table

Posted on 09/26/2013 by haiku djean

notebooks scattered on table
pages open and torn
like my heart

bright sun today

Posted on 09/25/2013 by haiku djean

bright sun today
great gusts of dusty wind —
how can it be
four months
since
I kissed daddy
goodbye?
— 9-25-13

Buddhists teach

Posted on 09/18/2013 by haiku djean

Buddhists teach
living in the moment —
that seems to be the only place
where joy is hiding
since daddy’s gone

once upon a time

Posted on 09/17/2013 by haiku djean

once upon a time
when monsters were real
dad
always left the light on

peel chop chop chop chop

Posted on 09/15/2013 by haiku djean

peel
chop
chop
chop
chop
breaking through sorrow — first pot
of fresh veggie soup

89 years

Posted on 09/15/2013 by haiku djean

89 years
daddy danced in this plain —
where
will I find him again?

the neighbor’s grey cat

Posted on 08/29/2013 by haiku djean

the neighbor’s grey cat
sits waiting, still — how can I
help him understand

dad’s not coming back?
the man with the brushing broom
will never be back

evening shadows

Posted on 08/27/2013 by haiku djean

evening shadows
sycamore leaves flutter
in the breeze —
dad’s waving hello

daddy’s gone away

Posted on 08/26/2013 by haiku djean

daddy’s gone away
he’s gone away
and never coming back
.
but I feel him, sis,
don’t you?
.
we’ve lost his smile,
the sound of his laugh —
but he’s always here
in every cell we own
.
he’s in our bones
our brains
our blood
our lives —
woven seamlessly
in our dna
and
in every breath we take

three months today

Posted on 08/25/2013 by haiku djean

three months today
kissed daddy goodbye
no clue
it was really
goodbye

I’ve forgotten how

Posted on 08/11/2013 by haiku djean

I’ve forgotten how
but sis today found laughter
hiding right at work!

yawning in moonlight

Posted on 08/11/2013 by haiku djean

yawning in moonlight
tail curled tight around his paws
dad’s yellow cat waits

(dad’s yellow cat sits 10-05-09 revised)

looking through

Posted on 08/10/2013 by haiku djean

looking
through
mom’s
sparkling glass decanters —
daddy’s
red brick patio

life goes nowhere

Posted on 07/29/2013 by haiku djean

life goes nowhere
— yet still moves on and on —
writing’s stalled
with daddy gone

I still can’t breathe

Posted on 07/18/2013 by haiku djean

I still can’t breathe
it was the end of May

when
we lost dad
and

all things
seemed to stop right then

and yet

they still
keep moving on
and on
and on and on

even though

I still can’t breathe

raging winds gone

Posted on 07/09/2013 by haiku djean

raging winds gone

daddy too

trees hang listless
new words
refuse to come

yet
I hear daddy say

I gave you life!
dance in joy!
words will return

fitted memories

Posted on 06/22/2013 by haiku djean

fitted memories
green grass sod like patchwork squares —
single plot of land
.
sister lays roses
short and long stemmed, vibrant red
.
offering to dad
hear us calling you!
the sun still warms our faces
even as we cry